Bed of Roses

Date: 2018

A few years ago, I watched a movie called "Bed of Roses" that quite honestly still lives in my head rent free. Even for a romance movie, this fucking thing is written for lonely straight women and dripping with so much estrogen you might accidentally medically transition if you stand too close to it. Christian Slater sees a girl crying in her bedroom and is so heartbroken and empathetic that he sends her roses at work. He has a sad backstory about his wife dying during childbirth, the baby dying too, and then he just starts bringing people flowers because "people are always happy to see him." Upon hearing this, the woman's ovaries explode and she fetishizes her vagina being the cure of his mental disorder.

She wakes up, freshly deep dicked to find out that Christian Fucking Slater has cooked her a full breakfast, bought her a toothbrush and took her clothes to the dry cleaner. This movie is the fantasy of every straight woman in America who listens to Sixpence None the Richer and go to coffee shops in New York. The 1% who actually related to the characters on Friends not named Chandler.